When a couple can’t conceive after months—or even years—of trying, one painful question often arises: “Who's to blame?”
Is it the woman with PCOS who’s already struggling with irregular periods, weight gain, and hormone imbalances?
Or could it be the man whose ***** quality may not be optimal—but rarely gets talked about?
Let’s talk about something that doesn’t get said enough: infertility is a shared journey. And it’s time we stop putting all the blame on women—especially those already carrying the weight of having PCOS.
The Blame Game: Why Is It Always the Woman?
"You still don't have any children?"
“Why don't you see an OB?”
"Oh, maybe you're infertile..."
For many women with PCOS, these are just some of the heartbreaking comments they’ve endured from family, friends, and even their own partners. The pressure is intense, and sadly, the blame almost always falls on us, the women.
But here’s the truth:
It is not always the woman with PCOS who is to blame for not having children.
PCOS is one of the leading causes of infertility in women, yes. But did you know that in about 40–50% of infertility cases, the problem lies—at least partly or entirely—with the male partner?
That’s a huge percentage. And yet, how often do we hear about male fertility testing?
PCOS: A Heavy Cross to Bear
Let's be real. No one wants to have PCOS.
We didn’t choose to struggle with:
Irregular cycles
Hormonal imbalances
Weight fluctuations
Unwanted hair growth or acne
Mood swings
The stigma of being “baog” or infertile
And yet, society makes it feel like our fault.
Especially in our culture in the Philippines, often when a woman can't get pregnant, she is immediately blamed.
“What good are you if you can't have children?”
“Go to the herbalist.”
“See your OB, that's you.”
But what if we told you that in many of these situations, the male partner also has underlying issues?
What the Studies Say: It’s Not Just a Women’s Issue
Fertility isn’t solely influenced by a woman’s health, and here’s what the research truly shows:
1. WHO: “1 in 6 people globally experience infertility; male factors contribute about half”
According to the World Health Organization, approximately 17.5% of adults worldwide—nearly 1 in 6 people—experience infertility, defined as not conceiving after 12 months of regular unprotected sex
Moreover, male factor infertility (whether alone or combined with female issues) accounts for roughly 50% of cases
2. Fertility and Sterility (2019): Over 30% of PCOS couples also face male factor infertility
A study in Fertility and Sterility (2019) shows that among couples treated for infertility due to PCOS, more than 30% also had male factor issues—such as low sperm count, poor motility, or abnormal morphology .
While the full paper is behind a paywall, you can explore the journal archives to verify this statistic and see similar data confirming that male factor issues frequently accompany PCOS-related infertility.
3. Reproductive Biology and Endocrinology (2021): Suboptimal ***** in partners of women with PCOS
A 2021 study published in Reproductive Biology and Endocrinology found that among male partners of women diagnosed with PCOS:
51.3% had borderline ***** quality, and
22.5% had pathological ***** parameters—substantially higher than in partners of women without PCOS
This cements the reality: fertility challenges in couples with PCOS often involve both partners, not just the woman.
What Causes Male Infertility?
These studies send a clear message: fertility is a partnership.
Even when one partner has PCOS, ignoring the man’s ***** analysis means missing at least half the picture. Delaying ***** testing can lead to unnecessary stress, lost opportunities, wasted funds, and emotional strain.
Here’s the part we rarely discuss. Many men face challenges with:
Sperm count (low quantity)
Sperm motility (slow or non-moving sperm)
Sperm morphology (abnormal shape)
DNA fragmentation (damaged or incomplete sperm)
These can be caused by:
Smoking, alcohol, or drug use
Obesity or poor diet
Stress and lack of sleep
Environmental toxins (e.g., plastics, pesticides)
Hormonal imbalances
Varicocele (enlarged veins in the scrotum)
Age (yes, sperm quality declines too)
A Doctor’s Honest Advice
My OB-Gyne said:
“We also need to check the ***** quality of our male partner because many women with PCOS can still get pregnant—as long as they are both cared for and guided by specialists.”
It takes two to tango, as doctors always say.
It's not just the woman who should get checked, but both you and your husband should.
Sometimes, a couple will focus so much on treating the woman’s PCOS—taking meds, doing lifestyle changes, fertility tracking—only to discover much later that the male partner has low motility or poor morphology.
Time wasted. Money wasted.
And worst of all—emotional energy wasted.
Real-Life Stories
Jessa, 32
“I have PCOS, so I tried Metformin, Clomid, and everything. Still nothing. Turns out, my husband had low sperm count. We were shocked. If we had only checked earlier, we wouldn't have been so exhausted.”
Nina, 29
“After 2 failed IUIs, the doctor finally insisted on sperm analysis. My boyfriend’s sperm had 95% abnormal morphology. He thought he's ok. We both cried. But at least, now we know what to work on—together.”
Why the Blame Hurts More Than It Helps
Blaming the woman not only adds pressure, but it also delays the real solutions.
Here’s why:
She already carries physical and emotional burdens from PCOS.
She’s often trying everything she can—diet, meds, prayers, supplements.
She feels ashamed, isolated, and exhausted.
And then you add societal blame?
That’s too much for one heart to carry.
So… Who is to Blame?
Let’s go back to our main question.
Who is to blame if you haven't had children yet?
There is no one to blame.
What You Can Do as a Couple
Here are some steps every couple should consider:
1. Get a comprehensive fertility check—both of you
Don’t wait years just focusing on one partner.
2. Request a sperm analysis early
It’s affordable and often covered by HMO. It gives you a clear starting point.
3. Improve lifestyle together
Eat healthier. Exercise. Sleep better. Do it as a team.
4. Manage stress
Infertility can break your spirit. Support each other emotionally.
5. Communicate honestly
Talk about your fears, frustrations, and hopes. Don’t let silence kill your connection.
6. Work with a specialist
Look for an OB-Gyne and an andrologist or urologist who can guide you properly.
You Are Not Alone
If you’re a woman with PCOS and feel like the world is blaming you…
If you’re a man silently wondering if something’s wrong with your body too…
If you’re a couple slowly losing hope…
Know this: you are not alone.
There are thousands of couples navigating this painful, confusing, and emotional path. But with information, honesty, and the right support, there is hope.
Let’s Stop the Blame
Let’s change the conversation.
Let’s raise awareness that fertility is a shared responsibility.
Let’s stop blaming the woman—especially when she’s already doing everything she can.
Let’s encourage our partners, brothers, sons, and friends to also take that brave step to get tested.
If this message resonates with you, please share this post.
And if you’re currently struggling in silence, visit PCOSMillennials.com to find stories, resources, and a community that understands you.
Let’s be part of a kinder, wiser, more supportive generation.
Love,
Reese
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