"Self-care" is having a moment right now!
Soft lighting, spotless rooms, glowing skin, and slow mornings with coffee in one hand and a journal in the other...The ideal life where everything seems perfect as seen through Instagram posts captioned with “peaceful moments,” “aesthetics,” and “living my best life yet.”
But actually... is it even that perfect?
For most of us, self-care doesn’t play out like one of those calm, slow morning montages. It’s more like thinking, “I should meditate,” while also remembering unanswered emails, a pile of laundry, and how tired you actually feel. And somehow, without us really noticing, self-care stopped feeling like a pause from everything else, and started to feel like one more thing to keep up with.
The Myth of Perfect Self-Care (And Why It's Not a One-Size-Fit Solution)
At some point, self-care picked up a whole list of “rules.” Wake up early. Meditate. Journal. Drink water. Work out. Be consistent. And DO NOT SKIP!
None of it is wrong advice, but it may seem like you're not caring for yourself, you're following orders instead. As if there's a "right way" to do things, and you aren't doing them that way.
And you start asking yourself things like: “Hold on, is this right? Do I need to open my journal every day to know what I’m doing?” “Am I taking a break or simply being lazy?”
Well, that is why it can be rather tiring. Because self-care should not be seen as something that needs to be maintained regularly. One day, it is taking a walk. The next, it is missing the walk because you simply cannot muster the energy to venture out there. On another day, you cook something nice, and the following day, you order some food and then continue. It doesn’t always need to be presented the same way.
Ultimately, self-care is all about taking whatever action you can take at the particular moment. And a lot of the time, that doesn’t look polished or impressive. It just looks… normal.
Why Self-Care Now Comes With Guilt, Pressure, and a Checklist
Here’s when things start to get… heavy. Because once self-care turns into a task that needs to be done, it takes on the same heaviness as all the other things.
Meditate: check.
Exercise: check.
Journal: check.
And yet, you’re exhausted.
Not just physically, but mentally. Because now you are not only juggling life, but also making sure that you are doing your self-care correctly. As if there was a scorecard signed without your consent.
And then the guilt follows. (Of course it does.)
Guilt for not doing enough.
Guilt for not doing it right.
Guilt for just wanting to sleep.
Resting, however, seems wrong for some reason. Almost like you’re slacking. Even when you do take a break, there’s that voice: “You could be doing something more useful.” Which is insane, because now even resting seems like work.
And if you are a person who is always caring for others, it is even more challenging. Finding time for yourself may seem like robbing it from somebody else. Yes, indeed, self-care is not only about engaging in an activity. It is about finding the way to engage in it without ‘guilt’.
The Commercialization of “Care” (How Self-Care Turned Into a Product and a Performance)
A big reason self-care feels like this now? The way it’s been sold to us! Because let’s be real, self-care isn’t just a concept anymore. It’s a full-blown industry!
Whether you go left or right, the idea seems to be clear, "becoming your better self is just one click away'. It could be better skin, scented candles or the planners that promise a better life.
But, as always, none of this is really wrong. However, somewhere down the line, the idea was subtly altered into “this is self-care.” It isn’t about the benefits anymore; it is now about keeping up with the trend. This thing has become a little bit of a standard with its own style and aura, and it can be quite challenging when everyone seems to know how it is done except for you.
Letting Go of the Rules: Redefining Self-Care on Your Own Terms
If self-care has started to feel like something you avoid, it might be worth asking one simple question: Who am I even doing this for?
Because self-care shouldn't come from a place of 'pressure', it should come from actually paying attention.
But occasionally, it isn’t about adopting a new habit in your life. It can be about breaking one. Saying no to plans that drain you. Letting go of the pressure of being consistent all the time. Relaxing… without having to make productivity out of it.
It doesn’t need to be a big deal.
Sometimes it might be simply going to bed early.
Sometimes it might be completing just one tiny task that makes tomorrow seem a bit easier.
Sometimes it might be talking about the elephant in the room.
And other times, it may even mean doing nothing at all.
It doesn’t need to be fancy to work. It’s a slight change, but it’s significant: from “What am I supposed to be doing?” to “What do I really need right now?”
And the answer? It will vary. Most likely frequently. Not because you’re inconsistent; rather, for the first time, you’re listening.
At Its Core, Self-Care Was Never Meant to Exhaust You
Self-care was never supposed to be a chore. But here we are, transforming it into some form of ritualistic behavior, something that ends up being... exhausting.
Luckily, it does not have to be this way. There is no rule that says you can’t deviate from the norm. Don’t worry about doing everything perfectly. Personalize it!
After all, it is not supposed to make you more efficient, which is something you definitely already have a lot of in your life. It is supposed to help you. Once you stop focusing on perfection and start personalizing it, something changes. It stops being something you need to complete…and becomes something that works for you…
