I recently read a book titled “A Temple of No Gods” by Manav Kaul where the protagonist, a teenage boy, struggles to come to terms with the reality that his mother was not solely his mother; she was an individual, and being a mother is only a part of her identity. In an exchange of dialogue with his friend, he realizes that his mother is Asha (the name of the mother’s character) and Asha had dreams and a life of her own.

Almost every child in kindergarten makes the sweet mistake of saying that the name of their mother is “ma”. But the mistake continues long after the child grows up. Often, a woman’s role as someone’s mother engulfs the rest of her identity. It is not the fault of the child or the mother— it is a systemic flaw where society encourages and celebrates motherhood but abstains from providing any support to the mother. According to a McKinsey & Company report, decades of research show that women do significantly more housework and childcare than men. In fact, women with full-time work are often said to be working “double-shift”.

Motherhood is a joyful occasion for every woman who wishes to raise her own family someday. However, this moment of celebration is tainted when the expectation to abandon ambitions for the family’s well-being is imposed on her. In a world that claims to champion gender equality, women still find themselves at the intersection of caregiving and self-growth. They are expected to raise children, manage homes, and simultaneously pursue their education and career.

This issue is not merely about personal effort or productivity— it is a “mental load”, a term used to describe the cognitive and emotional labor involved in running a household. From remembering doctor’s appointments to managing children’s schedules and daily chores, these tasks are constant and invisible. Although more men have started sharing the burden with their partners, women still undertake the majority of mental coordination and emotional caregiving, especially in homes with younger children. In the light of these considerations, it is foolish to believe that motherhood and personal growth are a matter of better time management. For many women, it is a battle against exhaustion, guilt, and systemic neglect.

Cost of Career: How Women Manage Motherhood and Degrees

Education is a tool of empowerment. Many women return to school or pursue new certifications, not because it is a career move, but because it is a declaration of agency. For many, it is their way of reclaiming their identity outside of motherhood. But this journey is rarely smooth.

While a UNESCO 2022 report indicates that enrolment of women in higher education increased from 19% in 2000 to 43% in 2020, dropout rates for mothers are significantly high. This is not due to lack of capability, but a lack of support. There are several stories on the internet that narrate the plight of women torn between their duties to family and obligations to themselves. A stenographer resigned after childbirth because she lacked maternity leave extensions and could not manage childcare while working from home. In another instance, a tenured professor relocated continents and abandoned professional opportunities to handle childcare duties.  

The biggest barrier in a mother’s professional life is not access to education— it is the tug-of-war between her own ambitions and parenting responsibilities. In a typical household, women trying to move beyond their identity as the homemaker study during late-night or early morning hours because these are the only times they could find peace and focus. This leads to disturbed sleep, mental health issues, and the sacrifice of personal well-being at the alter of dreams.

But the most significant termite to a mother’s ambition is guilt. A study by the American Psychological Association (APA) revealed that nearly 60% of women experience guilt about balancing work and family responsibilities. This is further corroborated by a research published by PubMed Central that showcased that mothers experience more guilt than fathers when their work affects their family.

The fundamental flaw in our society is that it demands resilience from women instead of providing the structural support they need. From educational institutions to workplaces, each unit is designed around the assumption of an ideal student or employee— someone who needs to be childless, unburdened, and available around the clock.

Resilience Will Not Cut: Support Needs to be Real, Not Formal

A single mom who graduated from law school. A mother of three who studied late at night and built a business. All of these success stories celebrate women who beat the odds. But these snippets rarely capture the quite suffering behind each success journey. The chronic exhaustion, the pain of losing faith in one’s support system, and the moments where their defeats made the naysayers question their abilities— a curtain is thrown over the negative to create the “woman has it all” narrative.

Childcare is expensive and inaccessible for many. Universities and schools rarely provide family friendly schedules or remote options for mothers. Most workplaces tend to penalize women with a gap in their resume caused by the commitment of their time to their family obligations. All of these leave women to weave a solution out of limited resources.

With the advent of digital education and remote work, such women have found slight relief. However, these have also blurred the lines between personal and academic life. It is a common phenomenon for women to study during nap times or cook meals whilst attending online classes. While the facility of flexibility and reduced need for physical presence have eased the burden, it has also made the struggles fragmented, hidden and isolated.

Conclusion

Mothers don’t need praise; they need policy that rids them of the turmoil of choosing between family and their own selves. A woman’s transition into motherhood can be truly celebrated when she can be assured that it would not mean the end of her identity.

Expanding affordable childcare, normalizing flexible academic structures, offering mental health support, and acknowledging childcare as a legitimate and valuable responsibility can be the first steps. Because until the mental load is shared— at home, at work, and in universities— women will continue to bear the cost of progress in silence.