“We teach girls to shrink themselves, to make themselves smaller. We say to girls: ‘You can have ambition, but not too much.’”
— Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, We Should All Be Feminists
Imagine a marathon where a woman comes in first and the runner up, a male congratulates her whole heartedly, rather than being ashamed of losing to a woman. Seems exaggerated right? But this still happens to a lot of women in every aspect of their life, be it education, modern workplaces or even sports.
From early on in our lives women are taught to walk on eggshells around men, trying not to hurt their feelings, or to come off as too intimidating. Most of you must have heard the term – ‘Smile a little’. It’s often told to women, mostly by strangers, as the sole purpose of a women’s existence is to always be okay with any situation, regardless of you they feel.
Let’s start by breaking up our topic. Conditioning refers to being taught or trained, over the course of our life, not by directly mentioning the rules of being “stereotypical” woman, but through a system of rewards and punishment.
The second part ‘male fragility’ is not a genetic trait, rather a feeling. A feeling of being better, knowing better and just overall entitlement of being a certain gender. This feeling is so fragile, it is easily threatened by a woman who knows her worth and isn’t afraid to stand her ground.
Conditioning begins early
No human is born with a big, fragile ego, it’s all they observe during the course of their life. From movies to patriarchal families, where we are too young to name it, but old enough to feel it. Media creates an image of an ‘hero’, difficult to deal with is always understood by a soft-spoken, people pleasing woman, setting gender stereotypes from very early on.
These stereotypes end up becoming the reality of most adults. In a workplace, a confident woman superior is labelled as too bossy, just because the men don’t want to be taking orders from a woman, whereas in the same case with a male superior, he is labeled as firm leader with great team leading capabilities.
Emotions or Hormones?
Most of the times, a woman’s feelings and emotions are overlooked by people, mainly men, by giving out excuses like ‘she must be on her periods’, a heavy topic often joked about. The emotions of men are also often suppressed, stating it’s not masculine enough to show emotions, and then being manly becomes a excuse to be rude and ignore the emotion of others.
We are in the 21st century, a lot of people have evolved, men are coming in touch with their emotions, women are becoming increasingly empowered to express their feelings without fear of judgment. But this revolution is still in the west.
In countries like India, it’s still a long way to go. Traditional gender roles are still very much prevalent here, Women are still supposed to listen to men, follow their order and satisfy their egos, be it their homes, or workplace.
From Cradle to Career
The conditioning of women according to the men does not begin in adulthood, rather it is instilled in them since childhood, and continues throughout their life, continuing generation by generation.
· At home, girls often grow up watching mothers cater to fathers, or sisters asked to compromise while brothers are allowed to rebel. They’re taught to adjust, to avoid arguments, to swallow their discomfort for the sake of harmony.
· In most cultures, women move into the home of the husband, having to live with their in-laws, where she has to always greet and tend to everyone, whereas the husbands continue wit their normal lives.
· This cycle continues in their workplaces as well. In the workplace, women often feel pressure to smile more, speak less and are often given less priorities for leadership roles, as men feel intimidated by women in power.
Though there are people who truly believe in equality, this still continues to be the case in many places. It is changing and many people are getting aware of how men need to get in touch with their emotions, and we need to provide equal opportunities to deserving women and so many more changes.
How can we bring the change
Breaking the cycle
Change begins with awareness. We need to make sure that the upcoming generation is comfortable in their skin, in touch with their emotions and considerate of the feelings of others.
They are many new parents working on techniques like gentle parenting, providing equal opportunities to their kids regardless of their gender, and teaching emotional intelligence early on.
Instead of praising boys for being strong, and girls for being beautiful, lets start instilling the values of kindness, empathy, and love. Making these small changes at home can make a beautiful change in the world.
We should also work on making this world a more considerate place, normalizing strong and ambitious women, and emotional men, who are okay being the way they are. Whether it’s in boardrooms, family dinners, or WhatsApp groups — speak up when someone makes a sexist joke or dismisses a woman’s opinion.
One of the biggest examples of women in power in recent times is Col. Sophia Qureshi and Wing commander Vyomika Singh, who led the press briefing after operation Sindoor. These women became the face of India’s strong military response, their leadership highlighted the growth of women in leadership roles in India.
Too all the amazing women out there, don’t be afraid of being strong, you don’t have to tone down yourself, just to make other people comfortable. Just be you.
