Here's a tidbit about my daily dental adventures: When I brush my teeth, I must assume a flamingo-like position, one leg raised in mid-air. Why, you ask? Well, the simple act of oral hygiene has the power to trigger back spasms. Other random things that give me cramps are sneezing, coughing, laying still too long, sitting too long, or standing too long. If you’re wondering, the duration of "too long" depends on the alignment of stars, and the milliliters of saliva dripped by my neighbor's dog on any given day.
As I type away on my laptop perched on pillows, my legs are crossed Indian-style on the snug single seater sofa. My elbows dig into the armrest, a vain attempt to support my slumped, ignored core and achy, thirty-something hips. My crackling back and popcorn-style popping knees are a constant reminder that I'm aging. I find myself wondering, is halfway to 70 too old? How late is too late to start a middle-aged fitness regime?
With that self deprecating introduction, I audaciously choose to reiterate that middle-aged isn't the grim reaper many make it out to be. Hitting 30 wasn't an evil omen; it was a reality check sharp enough to inaugurate my middle-aged fitness journey, sure. Did it ruin my ego as much as it hurt my metabolism, unfortunately yes. But this wake up call prompted me to be mindful about the junk in my gut and mind. Among other things that we have learned to see from a cynical perspective, I learned to focus on the silver lining of aging. Here is some (healthy) food for thought, fellow (or soon-to-be) thirty-somethings.
Why middle-aged is the Fitness Nirvana:
The Metabolism Meltdown:
As the clock strikes 30, your metabolism throws a tantrum worse than a 2 year old in the candy aisle. The era of carefree indulgence comes to a screeching halt almost overnight. In the past, a quick glass of lemon water, and bam, metabolism fairy dusted away any evidence of carb indulgence. Now? Just sniffing a pepperoni from across the room triggers weight gain. It's enough to make me want to weep into my kale smoothie, which, ironically, will probably pack on the pounds too. My dream of getting fit at 30 came with this shocking realization. My metabolism has taken a rebellious turn and now demands a ransom of burpees for cooperation is nothing short of a heartache, and sore muscles.
However, these are the signs that made me reassess my habits and kick-start my middle-aged fitness expedition. The struggle is real, and the negotiation tactics involve more squats than ever before. These have held me from continuing habits like multiple dinners in a day, or the midnight snack drawer raid. Good health is the cornerstone of peace of mind, and a mindful individual reads these signs. Getting fit at 30 demands commitment towards the steps to maintain your well-being (of course, only to encounter derailments from various fronts).
The Wardrobe Wars:
After welcoming my firstborn into the world, it became a two-year mission to reclaim my pre-pregnancy weight. In a fit of optimism, I treated myself to a pair of pristine white skinny jeans – I wanted to broadcast that the once-chubby 13-year-old was now neither overweight, nor socially awkward (sigh! x 2).
Fast forward 12 years, and those same white skinny jeans may have seen better days (now showing signs of decay). Yet, I refuse to part ways with them during my journey towards getting fit at 30. You see, quitting- much like skinny jeans- isn't my style. Yes, those pants currently cut off my blood circulation and may double as an effective tourniquet. But, the notion of investing in a new wardrobe suited to my current body shape, whilst on my middle-aged fitness journey, is unacceptable. I cling to the hope that, someday soon, I'll shimmy back into those outfits, even though three sizes smaller.
Meanwhile, I've declared pajamas as my official uniform, enjoying the perks of working from home. Sure, the effort to reclaim my former self might be on a temporary hiatus. I truly believe that over time, my efforts towards getting fit at 30 will pay off. After all, I'm not throwing in the gym towel – or my beloved white skinny jeans – anytime soon. Plus, it turns out, my commitment to fitting into those old jeans has been an unintentional money-saving hack. While my pants may not be expanding, my budget certainly is.
The Social Scene:
Navigating the social hierarchy of the gym is important, especially when facing daunting youth and fitness. When I drape my towel across a bench, I believe I am claiming my territory. The pony-tailed fit and fab femme won’t want to mess with a middle-agedd, messy haired, moody woman that’s bulging in all the wrong areas. However, I encourage you to ensure your lunges don’t splatter beyond your marked area. The last thing we want while getting fit at 30 in the towel marked kingdom is a game of thrones style war.
Enduring unsolicited advice from the Gym Gurus during your middle-aged fitness journey requires mastering the art of a poker face. Don’t we all hate know-it-alls (saving Hermione Granger and Lorelai Gilmore)? Learning to maintain an unflinching gaze has helped me navigate one two many family/ work gatherings. If there’s one among the readers- Dear Guru, my knees haven't forgiven me for that Zumba class in 2016, let alone your Olympic-level squats. Spare me, and I promise not to strangle you with my gym towel.
The Mental Marathon: Channel Your Inner Bribery Expert
Wouldn’t it be great if getting fit at 30 was just motivation, action, and happily ever after? Alas, the real picture isn’t as linear as envisioned. Taking the first few steps involves motivational mantras to fight your inner sloth. Let's face it, nothing says 'get off that couch' like a good bribe. Who knew that the key to middle-aged fitness was hidden in the pizza delivery guy's hands and the 'Skip Intro' button? While pizza or Netflix are not the best pre-workout fuel, they can be considered a viable reward to get the workout done.
Let's embrace the notion that the path to getting fit at 30 is a dynamic, often amusing, and occasionally cheesy journey. Bribe yourself into those workout shoes, conquer the mental marathon. We are not shrinking, we are evolving. There will be casualties along the way of your middle-aged fitness journey(RIP, skinny jeans). Some days would need us to take a step backward, only to propel us two ahead.
The Unexpected Perks:
A middle-aged fitness journey is truly a time of self-discovery. Sometimes, it involves discovering muscles you never knew existed after your first leg day. Who knew that beneath the cozy layers of middle-aged wisdom, there were muscles gearing up for their grand debut? Getting fit at 30 brings victories beyond the scale and muscle definition.
The joy of chasing your kids without turning into a human kazoo- no more wheezing symphonies. Shopping for outfits aren’t as dreadful, and you are not hesitant to get on a children’s ride at the local fair. Getting fit at 30 brings better energy and regulated hormones. The middle-aged fitness journey is glorious- every step is a stride of triumph, and every muscle ache is a badge of honor earned.
Who said getting fit at 30 couldn't be hilarious and victorious at the same time? I've come to love my body – grateful for the survival of toe snubs, paper cuts, falls, bites, kicks, and scratches. This might not be a Vogue cover middle-aged fitness journey, but it's an epic, hilarious, and ultimately, deeply satisfying one. Getting fit at 30 isn't about reaching some arbitrary ideal; it's about finding joy in movement, connection, and the unwavering resilience of this body I call home. And that, my friends, is truly golden.
