“I wish I could be the perfect daughter, but I come back to the water,
No matter how hard I try”
— Song How Far I’ll Go, Moana (2016)

Home is a haven where we grow, find rest, love, and comfort. For most of us, our first home is our parents' home — a protected space as we begin to understand the world. However, for many, the comfort of home is not enough. 

Whether it be because the opportunities are limited in our hometown, for education, to travel, or just to expand our horizons beyond what our family knows, many leave home at different times. Much like the Disney character Moana, while we may be happy enough on our island, something about the unknown horizon is enticing: it speaks of independence and adventure.

Moving Out: Step One of Adulting

Different cultures have different connotations and timelines of children moving out of their parents' homes. In many western cultures, including the United States, moving out is typical for individuals who are 18-20. 

In India and a large part of the global south, moving out on attaining majority is much rarer. The common expectation is of moving out when you get married, especially for women. Yet, this traditional root is not something I chose for myself. Despite living in a metropolitan area, I wanted to get out of my state and explore the rest of the world. So, I moved out of my parents’ house right after high school—first for work and now for higher education. Even in breaks, I chose to stay and intern in different cities, which means I am home for about a month every year, if that.

While not typical, living alone and in different places has been a steep learning curve. It's not just an act, but the perfect metaphor for life. Home is our comfort zone, and no matter how perfect yours is, until you step out of it, you are denying yourself to discover a large part of who you are. It is one of the biggest changes in life, and since changes are constant, if you can adjust to this one, you know you can adjust to anything.

Challenges of Independence

When I initially went to a different city after my high school graduation, it was supposed to be short-term. But as it happened, my college admission happened early, and I went to live on campus and didn’t ‘officially’ have the move-out farewell. I was happy with my decision, so I didn’t understand the significance of it till much later. 

And yes, it is scary and hard. You move away, and the safety you knew fades away. The home keeps changing, and there is nothing you can do about it. You are the sibling missing out on multiple celebrations, the small victories, and sometimes even the big milestones. Loud and/or hearty family dinners are replaced with silent nights, and you no longer have the warmth of a full home at night. The darkness is deeper when you are alone in a different city. 

Over the emotional feelings are, of course, the mundane challenges. Figuring out logistics, paying for everything (shampoo costs that much?), and taking care of yourself every day. You try not to call with worries because you were supposed to do this on your own, and you don’t want your parents to stress. Slowly, what you share reduces, and you smile through it all. 

That sounds pretty hard. But is it worth it?

So, Why Move Out At All?

Away from home, one of the things I missed most was food. But when I made my first dinner on my own, dal-chawaal, the simplest recipe on earth, nothing had ever tasted better. It tasted like home, sure, but it also tasted of independence. 

Living on your own forces you to grow in ways you would be unaware of if you stayed in the same place. From learning to feed yourself to navigating transportation on your own, it prepares you for real life that schools never taught us. You learn to trust yourself, be content with solitude, and spend some quality time with you—which is more important than you think. 

You also get to create your own space. Decorate your house just like you want it, play music as loudly as you want, and dance around the house with no observing eyes. Sure, getting home from a hard day to an empty house sounds depressing, but when it’s a home you curated for yourself only, it can be comforting to have someplace you never have to mask. 

Staying alone means you learn to manage finances and your life, create a schedule that accommodates you alone, and make all choices for yourself. It is also remarkable how many things we discover about ourselves when no one is telling us what to do. And one Sunday, you may wake up as late as you want, have a snack for lunch, run the laundry, call home, and then cook your dinner. That freedom of being who you are and learning more about yourself is why moving out is something I recommend to everyone.

The Gender Lens

A girl, leaving her parents, before marriage? Living alone? What a scandal. My parents were not too pleased with my decision, but I knew it was right for me. 

For women, perhaps moving out is especially important. It breaks the decided path of moving from your parents to your in-laws. It helps us realize that we can choose, and we have the power to live without relying on anyone. In a world that tells us we own nothing, it is an act of defiance to create a space and home that is exclusively yours. 

If you so choose, you can order in and stay in your PJs or go out for a ride at 2 am. That sort of independence means we are no longer afraid to be alone—something that has kept countless women in spaces they should have left much earlier. 

For me, living alone also helped me unlearn a lot of the notions I had. I realized I didn’t hate cooking when it was just for me and not ‘because I need to feed my husband, so better learn’. It meant I did not have to do chores or clean if I was tired, and I could choose to leave the house wearing whatever I wanted without worrying about what my mother would say. Being able to think about just yourself is something that women need to learn, and staying alone is one of the best ways to do that. 

Conclusion

Moving out and building a new life is perhaps one of the scariest things to do. It's a big decision and is not always easy. You miss the little things, and making all decisions is exhausting. But it is well worth it for the growth and self-discovery it offers. Your home will always be there to go back to, but the world is waiting for you to discover your new favorite spots and your new self as well!