“I am scared of stepping into my thirties.” Sipping a cup of tea, I scroll past this ‘story’ on my feed. The words barely register at first, blending into the digital noise of confessions, updates, and curated realities. A few days later, another post catches my eye: “I don't want to turn 24 next week!” My eyebrows lift instinctively, and I almost scroll past again. But this time, something makes me pause. I set my cup down, lean back, and let the words simmer alongside my hot beverage. Why are we so afraid of getting older? What is it about age that unsettles us?
The Fear of Aging in the Twenties
In my early twenties, age was just a number. Birthdays were my annual claim to the spotlight, a day of indulgence and celebration. Even my perpetually busy mom indulged me, allowing her tired voice and practical warnings to rest until the next day. But around that time, I noticed something curious. Reactions to my age started shifting. “In your twenties already?” people would ask, their judgement radiating across and exaggerated amazement suggesting I’d reached an imaginary expiration date.
At the time, I laughed it off. But years later, reflecting on these encounters, I find myself asking: why does this fear creep in so early? Is it health-related? Unlikely. People in their twenties barely spare a thought for their well-being. I was fueled by caffeine, junk food, and adrenaline in my twenties. The only time I truly paid attention to my health was when the photos my friends snapped reminded me that I looked “fat”. And yet, those who stay fit and in peak physical form—does age never scare them? It still does.
Hence, I suspect the fear is tied to something deeper—something societal, cultural, and intensely personal.
Fear of Losing Out (FOLO)
I discussed this with my partner who keeps asking me if he looks like a 28 year old, while he is in his fourth decade already. He says it is the “fear of losing out”. And the fear of fading away, I add. The fear that the world will go about without us. The fear that because of the stereotypes brewing around us, we will be overlooked as soon as we step into the ‘dirty thirties’. When I am introducing myself to someone, why does it feel like they are probing around trying to gauge my age? And when people realize I am as old as I look, the light fades away from their eyes. Has experience never been of value? The only time people proudly declare their age is when they have ‘achieved’ something as a 40-something old, or a 50-something, or … you get the drift.
It is overwhelming to think that you can get away with aging only if you are an achiever. The fact that you have to ‘earn’ your age, rather than simply evolving, could get exhausting. It is not just about looking young, but also remaining relevant.
The Age-Old Narrative
Rachael Green in F.R.I.E.N.D.S. had a whole episode dedicated to her turning thirty—because apparently, hitting the big 3-0 deserves its own dramatic event. She even tried to strike a deal: keep the gifts, stay 29. Honestly, relatable. And let’s not forget Joey’s meltdown, looking up at the heavens and demanding, “Why, God, why?!”—which, let’s be real, is the exact energy we all bring to milestone birthdays. But why is it so relatable?
Let's face it, we live in a world that glorifies youth. The media celebrates 30 under 30 lists, the “overnight successes” who seem to have everything figured out before most of us have even decided what we want for dinner. Social media adds fuel to the fire, presenting a warped reality where every day is a vacation. Every meal is gourmet, and every achievement sparkles with the polish of a highlight reel. Everyone is expected to live up to such expectations.
Amidst such a landscape, aging feels like failure. To turn 25 without a dream job, a Pinterest-worthy home, or a picture-perfect relationship can feel like falling behind in some kind of a race. Did we sign up for this race though? And even before you have had time to bask in the beginnings of your 30s. Well, society loves to remind you that your window for greatness is closing fast.
But here’s the thing: this narrative is a lie.
Give a New Definition to Success
The truth is, success comes without a deadline. For every 20-something techie, there’s a late bloomer who had to live decades before coming up with something earth-shaking. Vera Wang’s first dress was designed when she was 40. Colonel Sanders was in his 60s when he made news with KFC. Oprah’s media empire didn’t flourish until her 30s. Then again, in one ordinary family is an extraordinary woman in her 40s who has finally stepped out of depression. A couple in rural India whose families have accepted their marriage in their 50s. These stories are extraordinary in equal measure. They remind us that age is not a barrier but a backdrop—a canvas that grows richer with time. It is easy to say that the passing years are not to be feared. It takes a lot to believe in it. What if I told you that each year is an opportunity for growth and discovery? Each decade is offering lessons that the previous one couldn’t teach. Your twenties might be about exploration and trial and error, while your thirties could bring clarity and confidence. Your forties might be the time when you finally feel at peace with yourself, and your fifties could be the most liberating years yet- and one in which you actually get to live for yourself!
Living Beyond the Highlight Reel
Of course, it’s easier said than done. In a world obsessed with appearances, stepping away from the pressure to perform can feel like swimming against the tide. But it starts with small, deliberate choices:
Unfollow accounts that make you feel less than enough.
Stop asking people age related questions.
Unfollow those media parasites who live off the fear of aging, those who offer toxic commentary on the weight of the likes of Aishwarya Rai.
The undocumented parts of your life are the best—the shared stories at a dinner table, the feeling of a job well done, the warm embrace you give in to after a long day. Cherish aging rather than fearing it. Let experiences shape you, let lessons refine you, and let memories remind you of how far you have come.
Age like Wine, Reclaiming Time
More than anything, I’ve come to realize that aging is a reclamation—not a loss, but a gain. It’s reclaiming our stories, our strength, and our wisdom. Why are old trees symbols of resilience, while old humans are sidelined? So while my 50-something relatives are busy dying their hair and trying to hide their age, I'm letting the grey peep out. If I decide to color it, it will not be to hide the age. Each year we add to our lives, in turn adds depth to the person we are. Hitting a menopausal age would mean that I have bled approximately 450 times and for 3500 days(!) before my body is dwindling into a much deserved rest.
The fear of aging is often rooted in the belief that time is slipping away, but what if we shifted that perspective? What if we saw each passing year as an opportunity to write new chapters, to experience life with deeper intention, and to gather even more stories to tell?
The truth is, the best parts of life often come with time, especially the quiet joy of simply being. So the next time you catch yourself dreading another birthday or worrying about a new wrinkle, pause. Reflect on all the moments that brought you here. And remember: age is not something to fear, but something to hold as a banner of a rich journey of becoming.
The only expiration date is the one we set for ourselves.
